dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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