If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Success! We fucked roommates!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
