u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
