I love black thongs
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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