Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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