yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
