hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
