you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
