i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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