My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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