barbara walters just said penis...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
