exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
