thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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