Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
3 2 1 whiskey
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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