I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
