Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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