Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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