why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
