I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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