Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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