The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
