Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
