Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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