I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
