You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
