Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
