Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
