Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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