happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
