Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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