he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize