If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
