My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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