i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
