walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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