is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
