Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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