You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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