69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize
