Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Randomize
