You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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