From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
