there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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