Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize