Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
