I hate all girls vehemently.
I just threw up on my dentist
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
