i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
