The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
