the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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