just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
