what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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