what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
