i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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