I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
