What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looked like the before picture.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
