There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
