I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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