I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
