im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Randomize
