Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
