Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
