Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
