I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
