Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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