hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
