Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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