You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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