Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want to be your penis for a week.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
